yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
