are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize