First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
