I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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