K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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