I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His hands were made for my vagina.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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