My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want her autograph on my taint
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
