just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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