Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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