Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize