You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like iHOP with fire
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
