Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need to stop coming to work sober
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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