What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
