I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
