Your tits are I can't wait for
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
