I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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