I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
