I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
