Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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