if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize