The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
