Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
