What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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