your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
