i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
