Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
