There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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