yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Come see our sink grown plant.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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