I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
