I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
