If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
