I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
