I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
