so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
