This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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