Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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