I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
