Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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