PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
