My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
