Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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