it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I love having hate sex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
