So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize