Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
