I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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