I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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