you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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