so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize