Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
