I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
