so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
