Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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