If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My feet surprised me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
