I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
