What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
