Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
