I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck me I smell like cheese
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
