he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
