So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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