Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
