We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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