I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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