Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
