there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
