$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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