She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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