I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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